least helpful advice ever....

"Been there, done that. I can totally relate. I've totally been there, ____ times. "

Those and any other variation of the same don't really help. Esp if you stop right there and don't say anything else. If you've been there you know how hard it is, you know that the situation is crappy, you know. Please give some kind of support, maybe just a hug, maybe some tips to how you handled it. Don't just say " been there, done that." That's just mean.

Second least helpful thing. "Let me know if you need anything."

I don't know what we need. I know what we want. We want the bad stuff gone but we can't make it vanish. Instead we're fighting our way through the day one hour at a time. If you really want to help tell me what  day and time you're coming over. Or don't tell me, just stop by. Bring a casserole that we might use now or freeze for later. Come play with the girls so I can do other things. Take the initiative if you really want to help. Our brains are simply too fried to think of what we need to ask for.